As the temperature begins to drop below double digits and the days get dark outside before lunch, Offie Mag is here to provide a few useful tips on how to grab autumn by the (chest)nuts…
(Picture via a website called easyProperty lol)
WATCH FOOTBALL ALL THE TIME
Replace the gorgeous sunshine rays of summer-gone-by with the entrancing glow of your local pub’s plasma screen telly. This seasonal tradition is as autumn as jumping into a pile of crunchy leaves or vomiting onto a rented Great Gatsby cosplay suit.
Whether it’s the Champions League, Europa League, Premier League, Championship, League One, League Two, Scottish Premier League, Serie A, La Liga, Ligue 1, Ligue 2, European Championship Qualifying, Carabao Cup, FA Cup or Prva Liga 1, nothing says “ooh it’s getting chilly” like watching a relatively unknown Ukranian team get thrown around like a dog toy by Bayern Munich.
LAYER TWO BEANIES INSTEAD WEARING OF JUST ONE
Sometimes one just isn’t enough. Surprisingly this is not common knowledge but beanies are actually designed to be stacked one on top of the other. The inventor of the beanie, Sir Alfred Beanie created them in 1834 during the coldest winter in recorded history.
Originally used to store unripe bananas, these cosy bits of woolly wondrousness found their way into everyday culture through fashion pioneers such as Jacques Cousteau and Fred Durst.
COMPLAIN ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE
“There’s no seasons anymore man it’s just hot and cold what the fuck?”
“I swear it was like 25 degrees yesterday, now I’m in layers smh.”
You’re damn right, made-up everyman. I’m not here to argue with you – I’m too busy doing my bit for the environment recycling these six empty boxes of Kirkwood popcorn chicken.
Consider The REQUIREMENTS Of Achieving A Predicted AUTUMNAL HARVEST Yield To Assist WITH SUFFICIENT Crop Nutrition.
Much of the European Wheatbelt has experienced a very dry summer, leaving very little stored moisture at present (DPIRD seasonal report 2019).
Growers are still waiting for breaking rains to germinate dry sown crops and provide confidence to seed remaining paddocks. Variety choice, sowing time, stored moisture and growing season rainfall are key factors influencing the yield potential of a wheat crop. Parallel simulations with normal summer rain result in higher median yields for November sowings at most locations, but the advantage of summer rain decline to almost nothing for December sowings, so growers can expect a similar distribution of yields for these sowings as in a normal year.
GET TO AN OFFIE MAG EVENT
Yeah we’re really busy this Autumn. We’ve already kicked off our jazz series with not one but two events, and now we’ve got a couple hip-hop bits to come see, too.
On Saturday 23rd, we’re launching both our label, Off Licence Records and sly fieri’s debut EP. And then on Thursday 28th at Rossi Bar, we’re celebrating Verbz’ album with help from CLBRKS, Bador and Danny Sanchez. Get to both if you can.
ADD A SLICE OF PUMPKIN TO YOUR MORNING TOAST
Throw everything you’ve heard about toast out the window. A tradition that traces its roots back to the ancient coptics, no autumn is complete without adding a delicious helping of pumpkin to your morning butter-on-toast. The diverse vegetable can be added in large chunks or diced into small sprinkles, depending on mood.
DISCUSS WHY AMERICANS CALL AUTUMN FALL
“Fanny pack.” “Ten hundred.” Pronouncing Z like “zee.”
I guess the same reason why they call the pavement a “sidewalk” is why they call a season where leaves fall, as such.