So this might be the weirdest period of time we’ve all ever lived in.
It feels like something between a snow day and the Christmas holidays, yet with none of the optimism and all of the feeling of impending doom. As funny as that Cardi B clip may be, this whole Coronavirus thing just ain’t a laugh, anymore, is it?
We’re using our Weekly Clickbait for some solidarity with our readers, offering some advice on what to do while self-isolating – if your employment status and ruling government are nice enough to allow you to do so.
By Greg Stanley and Daniel Lovrinov
Watch all of RSC Anderlecht’s goals from the 1993-94 season…
RSC Anderlecht spent the beginning of the ’93 season shedding off its losses and shifting the focus on young talent – not least the promising 19-year-old goalkeeping powerhouse Frédéric Herpoel. Despite the departure of attacker Peter Van Vossen, Anderlecht kept their eyes on the horizon and avoided an arduous search for offensive reinforcements. The club attracted a promising defender in Olivier Suray, and strengthened the midfield with Philip Haagdoren.
The most notable newcomer was Pär Zetterberg, who had been loaned to Sporting Charleroi two seasons in a row and was voted Professional Footballer of the Year in 1993. Anderlecht went on to win both the Supercup and the Cup of Belgium under coach Johan Boskamp’s nonconformist leadership style and Marc Degryse’s changing-room antics. Watch the entire journey through this 22-minute, 8 second rollercoaster of emotion.
Wash your hands
Let’s get this one out the way early shall we?
Even if you’ve been doing a great impersonation of being in a womb for a week or so already, hiding your hands from the evils of outside, you may as well wash yer hands once more. Not to scare you, but germs will travel on your unopened letters, Amazon deliveries of chopped tomatoes and maybe your housemate whose work can’t afford to close due to Boris Johnson having friends who own insurance companies. So wash yer mits.
Call old people
If you’re lucky enough to have the unlimited joy of grandparents in your life, give them a call. Whilst this virus might not be able to take down young people, it’s a real threat to our elders, so they need to be indoors. Mad thing is you shouldn’t really even go and visit, just drop food through the letterbox and bang (gently) on their windows.
Or better still, give them a call. Call yer Nan. FaceTime yer Grandad. Sign-up to Age UK and chat about 1966 on the phone to an elderly stranger.
Read more than you would usually
Them books you’ve got on the shelf that you pretend to have read, they can be more useful to you than just cultural capital.
Dust off some Orwell, brush up on some Tolstoy, order ISSUE FOUR of Off Licence Magazine. Whatever.
You heard some librarian say it at school during World Book Day 2004, but reading really does allow you to escape into a whole other world. One without Corvid-19.
Beat the bulk pasta trend with Nigellissima
With the entire planet wrestling over Barilla Farfalini, it’s about time we learned how to treat the stuff with love and respect. Nigelissima wasn’t Lawson’s first departure from the hearty home meal section – but it did invite us to sit beside her on a culinary Tuscan journey in a way that has beguiled ever since.
Nigella isn’t scared to mess about with a classic recipe, and she commits to the freshness of ingredients and a simplicity that makes each dish stand out. So ditch the tuna and mayo penne and grab true, authentic Italian cuisine by the cazzo. Also, if someone can find out the tracklist to any episode of Nigellissima, please email us immediately.
Celebrate the March Equinox via indoor Druid Ritual
Your bog-standard Druid ceremony may involve sharing a chalice with thirty other people, eating communal bread and holding hands in a circle for five hours – but don’t let the coronavirus ruin what you’ve been planning months for. Visualise the spring’s healing energy from the comfort of your own couch, via Skype. Naked.
We’ve been vocal on this one already on Instagram, but we’ll say it again.
Now is a really important time to support your favourite artists, particularly independent ones. Tours from the likes of Jehst have been cancelled as well as massive festivals, so predicted income for many in the music industry has just been slashed.
Streaming a song gives an artist less than a penny but buying their music, vinyl, t-shirt or Cult Membership makes a big difference. Know that Bandcamp is giving artists a bigger cut of sales this Friday, as well.
Also, if you’ve bought a ticket for a gig, don’t ask for a refund unless you really have to. Chances are your ticket will be valid for a rearranged date and this allows the artist to keep some income.
Do that thing you always said you were gonna do but never did
‘Bro, we should start a podcast, I swear,’ you said, three cans and a jazz cigarette deep into a conspiracy you and yer mate invented. Well, now’s your chance, innit. Fuck all else to do.
Finish that EP, write that short story, crochet that tea cosy.
Grow your own herbs, indoors
There are plentiful reasons for growing herbs indoors under lights: basil pesto, rosemary chicken, maple and marjoram-roasted turkey, fresh oregano pizza sauce, tarragon salmon, coriander-flavoured salsas and spicy chive dip.
The rise of gourmet home cooking, as well as the popularity of fresh, home-raised and locally-grown foods, has increased demands for fresh herbs. Why not grow your own, year-round? With modern advances in grow lights, growing mediums and self-contained hydroponic systems, raising herbs inside a small corner of your home can add year-round flavours, scents, even profits to your life.
Look after each other, you lot. And for the love of God don’t go out and panic buy.